My Worries

Greetings, gentle reader. My apologies for the lateness of this post, and I will make every attempt to avoid similar occurrences in the future. Every attempt.

Right now, though, I’m too worried to make a long-ass post about what’s on TV right now. You heard me. I’m worried. Worried about the world.

My worry isn’t exactly politically correct though, which also worries me. What I’m worried about cuts at the very foundation of “what good people should endorse.” I’m worried, worried, about alternative energy. I’m afraid it’s going to kill us all.

As I type this, Scottish Engineers are plotting a “Wave Farm” off Portugal, with another planned for the coast of their own lush, and I mean that in every sense of the word, homeland. Elsewhere, “Wind Farms” are cropping up on hillsides across this fair land and others! And of course, you all know about harnessing the energy coming from the sun. Or as I like to call it, the Solar Menace.


So, and here it comes, so what do these alternative energy source do to the world? For example, if we suck the energy out of the wind flowing over a mountaintop, what happens to the wind? Don’t we need the wind? Doesn’t it help pollinate flowers, and like, wheat and stuff? If the Wind Farms are too successful, could there be an agricultural crisis looming? We could all die.

If we suck all the energy out of ocean waves, what happens to the water? Don’t we need currents? Do the waves that batter our shorelines do anything other than provide a sweet, sweet pipe for dudes to surf on? Do they carry nutrients to shorelife? If there were no waves, there may not have been that first little fishopod flopping around on a prehistoric shore gasping for air and thinking “I need to evolve some f-ing lungs.” This is what may be at stake!

And then there’s solar. I can’t really think of anything terrible that might happen from sucking solar energy out of the sky, although it is what makes everything grow, and if we suck up enough of it to run our XBOX 360s (those suckers suck a lot of juice you know) maybe there won’t be enough of it for Sprout, the little spider plant that sits on top of the cabinet in my cubicle. God knows he’s already starving for water and attention.

But there you have it. Terrible, terrible worries that I’m surprised the whole world doesn’t share. Perhaps they just haven’t thought about the implications. Perhaps there’s something everybody knows but I don’t. If you can set my mind at ease, I’ll appreciate it.


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