There is one of those movie theaters near me where you sit at a table and can order food (including alcohol) while you watch the movie. AMC Fork and Screen they call it. You might have been to one of these places yourself. The joints serve inevitably terrible food. Although I haven’t been to this particular incarnation of this particular movietaurant, I wouldn’t order the lobster.
That’s all fine and good, or, well, ok and mediocre. I don’t mean to imply that I’d rather die than be caught dead at the AMC Fork and Screen– I like crappy food as much as the next guy. And actually, now that I mention it, I actually have been to that theater, when it was called the “Buckhead Backlot”.
I went there with my pal Rob and his Wife, and we saw “Flushed Away“, a CG movie about mice. Most of the mice lived in the sewer, but it wasn’t a REAL sewer. It was one of those movie sewers where it’s just water and cute little boats made of driftwood. No poop or mysterious irridescent bubbles at all.
Contrast that with the current crop of films a-flickering ‘cross the AMC Fork and Screen. Not a happy family CG film about anthropomorphized mice within five miles of the place. In fact the flicks they’re showing right now seem specifically chosen to be unappetizing. Check it out:
- District 9 – gory scifi flick, where aliens eat people, people eat aliens, and people get splattered by laser guns. Splattered all over the place. Oh, and a guy’s fingernails fall off, among other things. You gonna eat those potato chips?
- The Final Destination – horror movie about people getting killed by Rube Goldbergian contortions of the physical world by Death itself. Haven’t seen it, but I hear some guy gets sucked inside out by a pool filtration system. Pass the chicken wings!
- Gamer – scifi about a military videogame that uses real people. Real people getting blown up and esploded. Esploded real good. Some more sauce on those spare ribs, perhaps? Some mac n’ cheese maybe?
- Halloween II – Horror movie by Rob Zombie. ‘Nuff said.
- The Hangover – “adult” comedy, admittedly the least suspect of this list, however I’m pretty sure at least one dude vomits on screen. And there’s a mostly naked Zach Galifianakis, which nobody should have to see. How’s that french dressing lookin’ to ya now?
- Inglourious Basterds – people get scalped. Seriously scalped. A bunch of people. Oh and Brad Pitt sticks his finger in some lady’s bullet wound. Finger lickin’ good!
I’m not against any of these movies– I’ve seen most of them, and Inglorious Basterds is freakin’ brilliant. But I think it would be kinda hard to choke down crappy bernaise sauce while watching one of the guys from the Office strip the skin off a dude’s head.